Since the legalization of same-sex marriage, many Christians have had to wrestle with how to respond to same-sex weddings. The issue is made more difficult because many of us no longer understand what weddings mean.

The term “wedding” is derived from the old English weddung, meaning the action of marrying. The reason we attend weddings is to serve as witnesses that a couple has vowed to commit to one another in marriage. When we attend a wedding ceremony, our presence is an act of witness and public recognition that a valid marriage is being created. But at a same-sex wedding, no marriage is actually being created. We are giving our “blessing” to a claim that we know is not true. In other words, we’re allowing ourselves to be complicit in a fraudulent act and implying we agree with a lie.

Even if we don’t attend in person, though, we may be expected to respond in ways that conflict with our conscience. In a recent article, Charlie Self considers how we can affirm the dignity of each person we meet and work with, while maintaining godly distance from affirmations that violate Scripture. “With the help of the Holy Spirit,” says Self, “believers can walk the tightrope of tolerance without abandoning truth.”