You’re out to eat with your family, and your 2-year-old has picked this fine moment to stage a protest against the green beans on his plate. He’s angry. He’s already been screaming “No!” and the glint in his eye tells you he’s about to turn the veggies on his plate into projectiles. That’s when you remember the Instagram story you watched yesterday. “Instead of raising your voice or pushing the issue,” the calm woman said, “you should playfully connect with your child and redirect his attention. Perhaps by pretending his fork is an airplane.”

A parenting technique like this one can be a lifesaver in tough moments, and social media influencers like Big Little Feelings, podcasts like Good Inside with Dr. Becky, and blogs like Lucy at Home have plenty of these tips for you. The parenting approach these outlets advocate is known as gentle, respectful, or responsive parenting. In his recent article for TGC, Bernard N. Howard explores this approach which emphasizes being aware of children’s feelings and seeking creative ways to solve parenting difficulties in nonconfrontational ways. 

Many gentle parenting advocates hold academic degrees in psychology, and their techniques often have roots in tested theories, but as Howard observes, they also make several unbiblical assumptions. Chiefly, they assume children are basically good. As a result, the gentle parenting approach “doesn’t grasp . . . the sinfulness of sin.” The Bible, by contrast, tells us we’re all born with corrupted and fallen desires (Ps. 51:5; Rom. 3:23). Bad behavior isn’t merely caused by environmental factors; it’s often the result of a rebellious will. 

So is there a more biblical way to handle toddler tantrums? How can Christian parents move beyond simply modifying behavior to shepherding their child’s sinful will? Howard’s helpful article and the counsel he gives about discipline and correction will point you in the right direction.