2 Corinthians 3:5 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God,
It was a cold winter morning here in Omaha and I found myself clenching my glass of water trying to cool down my rising body temperature. I began to get dizzy and just stared out the window across from me. I was feeling tremendously overwhelmed to say the least.
I was now about six or so months into full-time pastoral ministry and I was in the pastoral equivalent of having to do a college tackling drill between two rather intimidating ‘teammates’. Only, in this case, it was not a drill, it was real life.
I was counseling with folks who were significantly older than me and things were not going well. I found myself staring out that window wondering if God would be so kind as to go ahead and rapture the church or at least give me one of those Elijah experiences. Fortunately, God was kind and did not remove me from the situation but instead forced me to stop depending on myself and to look to him.
As I began to drip condescension like a car air conditioner in mid-July I was convicted to the core. My good friend has told me before that my physical body reflects my spiritual condition very nicely and this current pool of condensation was nothing more than me depending on my own perceived sovereignty and realizing that I was as futile at best in doing anything worthwhile in so far as I trusted in myself.
So I sat there and prayed. I reminded myself that my adequacy is not in myself but in and from God through Jesus Christ. My whole job in this house was to first myself think God’s thoughts after him and then to compel others to likewise agree with God and live in light of it. How could I do that if I trusted in myself that I was sovereign?
This was a great light bulb moment for me. Here I was in pastoral pampers and I was acting like I was going to walk into this hornets nest and, in my own wisdom and authority say, “Peace be still” as if the hornets would then comply. I was fooling and deceiving myself. It was an amazing thing to sit there at the table and begin counseling myself, repenting and then petitioning for the folks that were so upset. God was kind to hit me in the back of the head with his sacred two-by-four and I learned something.
Even in the passivity of my own mind I was committing a grave sin. I found myself depending upon myself and my own wisdom. You may say, “That is not so bad, it’s common.” True, but pervasiveness of the problem does not mitigate against the devilish nature of it. In appraising self-wisdom and authority I am in fact devaluing the wisdom and authority that comes from God, I am thinking and saying that what Jesus bought for and gave to me is, in effect, not useful. Yikes! This is not where I want to live and move. That is the last thing I want to do. Thankfully God was kind to discipline and counsel me even there that I might value and depend upon him.
I wish I could say that the rest of the session went ‘well’…it really did not. But with sovereign lenses I learned a valuable lesson and one that is still shaping me everyday. I do believe that, by God’s grace, I served these people well once God smashed my idol and reminded me of his sufficiency. I tried to help them by lovingly telling them what God says about these issues.
At the end of the day I found myself rejoicing in God’s sheer goodness in revealing the depths of my own self-dependence and my increased need to find God to truly be the all-sufficient One.
Colossians 2:6 Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,
Within a week or so I received an email from a friend who was unaware of what had happened, but nonetheless felt compelled to encourage me unto faithfulness in ministry. He quoted this verse in his exhortation:
1 Timothy 4:12 Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.
His message: pop your pimples, be faithful, proclaim the truth and stand firm.
Amen. Our adequacy comes from God not ourselves. Ministers of the gospel need to know, believe, and live this. By the grace of God I am learning this.