“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding” (Prov.3:5). “Blessed are those who fear the Lord… They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” (Ps.112:1,7)
Lord Jesus, one of my favorite hymns is “Jesus! I Am Resting, Resting.” But—and this isn’t news to you, often when my lips sing those words my heart is muttering, “Jesus, I am vexing, vexing.” To say I have “trust issues” is like saying I have “oxygen issues.” In other words, my need for trusting you is just as great as my need for oxygen.
It’s the difference between: (1) Resting in your grace and love, knowing you are at work as our sovereign, loving King. Or (2) Vexing in my fear and “what if’s,” anxious for you to do things my way on my schedule. Jesus, I really, really do want the first of these two options to be my “oxygen” and way of life.
Leaning on the flimsy, duct-taped, straw-scaffolding of my “understanding” never bodes well—for me, or those who experience my anxious, rigid, not-very-present spirit. Jesus, you know the beginning, middle, and end of all things. I don’t. My perspective and understanding may be 3% of yours. And my commitment to a pain-free heart, the double-astigmatism of my unglorified eyes, and residual unbelief only make matters worse.
Jesus, I’m not asking for—or expecting a “Zen-like” absence of concern and feeling. To trust you is to be fully human, not less. I want what you commend—a fixed, steadfast, trusting heart. Whether I’m waiting for news, get “bad news” (Ps.112:7), or receive shockingly good news… I want my lips and heart to sing, “Jesus! I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.” So Very Amen.