The Undistracted Widow

This is the book no wife ever wants to have to read. It also is the book no pastor, church member, or friend wants to have to give to a fellow believer. Death is ugly, lonely, and sorrowful. It is especially so when it is the death of a spouse. Carol Cornish understands the intense grief that follows losing a spouse. In her book, The Undistracted Widow: Living for God After Losing Your Husband, she speaks honestly about her sorrow when her husband died after 38 years of marriage. Cornish, who is a biblical counselor, wrote this book for herself, she says (14). In the months following her husband’s death she wrote as an outlet for processing her grief. The Undistracted Widow is born out of her grief, and attempts to provide a plan for herself, and other widows, to work through grief and still live for God.

Summary

As Cornish mentions in her introduction, there are many books out there on grief and death. But, she says, the length of chapters can be cumbersome for the grieving person. In an attempt to help widows read without feeling the burden of an unfinished chapter, she divided the book into 20 short chapters. Her main thrust throughout the book is that we exist to glorify God (20). For the widow, this might seem impossible. But Cornish goes on to encourage the reader that God has not left her alone (19). The book moves from Christ-centered, biblical foundation to more practical application. The first nine chapters are on biblical hope and examples for widows, followed by 11 chapters of practical application for the widow ranging from overcoming loneliness and facing your fears, to making important decisions and learning from your widowhood. In explaining her reasoning for structuring the book in this way she says, “One of the reasons I wrote chapters about the person and work of God and put them near the beginning of this book is so that by knowing God better we can have confidence in his promises” (59).

Ways the Book Is Helpful

Cornish knows and understands the Bible. Throughout the book she points the reader back to God’s Word for hope in the midst of intense sorrow. Early on in the book she says, “The key to peace in the overwhelming grief of the loss of your husband is to keep your mind set on the Lord” (35). This is her theme throughout the entire book. She consistently guides the reader back to ultimate hope in God, even in the midst of sorrow. Each chapter is saturated with biblical references. It is impossible to turn a page without seeing at least one verse of Scripture and subsequent explanation of the passage. For a grieving widow struggling to study God’s Word, the abundance of Bible in this book will be an encouragement.

Along with the abundance of Scripture, Cornish also includes words from a hymn after every chapter. She says that “beautiful poetry is soothing to our souls” (58). She adds that often in a crisis situation it is easier to remember a few comforting words from a hymn than words of Scripture. This emphasis on meditating on the truths of God only adds to the overall strength of the book. People who are grieving need to know that they are not alone. They need to know that their pain and sorrow are valid. Cornish’s honesty throughout the book provides that outlet for comfort and empathy. She speaks with raw and honest emotion, through a biblical grid, helping the reader see that not only is the pain real and okay, but there is hope at the end of the seemingly never-ending tunnel of grief. Each chapter is filled with her own personal experience, as well as ways God ministered to her and helped her through her grief.

One of the most helpful aspects of this book is her practical application for the widow. She serves as a sympathetic counselor by providing tips for reading God’s Word in the midst of grief, and even goes so far as to point the reader to specific passages to read (55–56). This chapter begins the more practical section of the book and serves as a springboard for how the widow can begin her life without her husband.

The book is about undistracted widowhood, and Cornish is straightforward regarding the pitfalls that can pull a widow towards being distracted. Her vulnerability allows her to speak, so when she exhorts, you want to listen, because you know she has walked this road before. She firmly believes that widowhood can be used by God to glorify his name, but she also knows that grief can sometimes be so draining that distractions inevitably arise (146–147). But, she says, “loving God and living for him is the key to honoring him in our widowhood” (143). One practical way she guides the reader in this is by taking John Piper’s article “Don’t Waste Your Cancer” and applying it to widowhood (16–170). In all of this, she says, the ultimate goal of widowhood is that Christ be magnified and cherished in the life of the widow.

In addition to the obvious audience, this book could also serve a pastor, pastor’s wife, or women’s ministry leader who wants to better understand how to shepherd and encourage a widow. It could also be useful for a family member or friend of a widow. Often, a grieving person wants to know that those who love them want to enter into their pain. Cornish allows us to see the pain of widowhood, but she also shows how to live through the pain, and help understand our grieving sisters.

For the pastor or church member, the appendices titled “How to Help a Widow” and “The Local Church and Its Widows” provide biblical explanation for the passages on widowhood, a helpful list of things to say to a widow, and ways to help and support a widow. This section is invaluable for anyone who wants to serve the widows in his or her life.

Ways the Book Could Improve

While the overall theme of the book is useful for widows of any age, there was a heavy emphasis on older widows. A widow who has lost her husband at a young age, or a widow with small children, might struggle with knowing how to live in the midst of this tremendous loss. Navigating life with children still at home, especially small children, seems like an impossible task for a wife who is now left to single parent. More attention to this aspect of widowhood, though rare, would only add to the value of this book.

While this book is not the one you want to have to give to someone, when the death of a husband comes to a woman in your church you will want to have something substantial to provide her in her loss. You will also want to try and understand her pain. Cornish brings Christ to a devastating situation, not in a trite and triumphalistic way, but in a way that draws the grieving wife to Christ and his comforts, and in turn spurs her on to serve this Christ who is her only hope in loss.