In the world of Christian literature, monographs on friendship, love, sex, marriage, singleness, divorce, remarriage, and parenthood are easy enough to find. Harder to find are books that tackle all of these themes together and do so without being either intimidatingly long or unsatisfyingly superficial. But that is precisely what William Philip, minister of the Tron Church in Glasgow, has managed to produce. In less than 200 pages, Aspects of Love: Our Maker’s Design for Friendship, Love, Marriage and Family provides “the basics we all need to know” for “a healthy and a wholesome approach to all our relationships, sexual and otherwise” (p. 11).
In his introduction, Philip discloses that the book’s main chapters began as sermons—indeed, sermons that “proved helpful to many (not least in prompting quite a rash of marriages, and a subsequent baby-boom in our church!)” (p. 11). This accounts for the book’s (often) conversational tone and (general) homiletical flavor, evidenced by numerous instances of alliteration: e.g., real friendship demands “constancy, candour and Christlikeness” (p. 27) and, in searching for a spouse, “Don’t be too cautious,” “Don’t be too cavalier,” and “Don’t be too conspicuous” (pp. 72–73). But for all its rhetorical features, the book is no less theological and, in many of its chapters, is strongly exegetical.
Chapter 1 (on friendship) lays the foundation for the rest of the book. This is because “God’s primary answer” to our need for love is the “friendship of his own family” (p. 15). The chapter is vital (especially for men who, as Philip notes, often struggle to form deep friendships) and brims with salient insights—many taken from C. S. Lewis’s The Four Loves (London: Collins, 1960, 2012). Friendships matter, as much for the married as for the unmarried. So, while the author warns couples “not to confuse their bedroom door with their front door” (p. 23), keeping the former closed to others and the latter open, he rightly insists that marriage “is not designed to meet all our needs for this aspect of love, for friendship” (p. 20).
What then is the purpose of marriage? In answering this question, chapter 2 begins by pointing out that marriage is not “just a social convention” or “cultural custom” but a divine gift and “part of God’s universal order for all humanity” (p. 40). This explains why attempts to overturn this order are both sinful and foolish, and why the sexual revolution of the last half century or so has not delivered “the glorious nirvana it promised” (p. 40). But marriage is not only from God, it is also for God; it has a missionary purpose “to serve His eternal kingdom” (p. 43). While it does this through “partnership, procreation and protection” (p. 43), the “‘face-to-face’, romantic, erotic love of marriage is there for the ‘side-by-side’ task of kingdom service” (p. 49).
Chapter 3 turns to the question of “how we go about finding our way into marriage—if that is to be God’s gift to us” (p. 57). Answering this question provides Philip with an opportunity not only to advise couples as to how to navigate this path in a godly manner but also to address our culture’s idolization of sex and the way this has impacted the church. The chapter concludes with a discussion of the fact that “the gospel is the romance which all other true romance reflects” (p. 75, emphasis original). This then naturally leads into chapter 4 (“The Relationship of Marriage”), which consists of a winsome and convincing complementarian exposition of Ephesians 5:21–33. On the basis of verses 30 and 31, Philip concludes that the ultimate purpose of marriage is “so that people might see something on earth so beautiful that it speaks eloquently of the greatness of God’s love and the joyful purpose of his grace in winning a bride for his Son” (p. 95).
Chapter 5 opens up the painful subject of “The Rupture of Marriage” and, through a sensitive exposition of 1 Corinthians 7 (with side-glances at Matthew 5 and 19), addresses the realities of marital tension and dysfunction, separation and reconciliation, divorce and remarriage. The chapter ends on a welcome note of grace, reminding readers that although “we must live with many consequences of things we cannot undo” (p. 114), the gospel assures that “there is restoring grace for every sin” (p. 115, emphasis original).
Unpacking additional elements of 1 Corinthians 7, chapter 6 turns to “The Refusal, Removal & Renouncing of Marriage.” Here Philip explores the various reasons for singleness (including the experience of same-sex attraction), the goodness and advantages of remaining unmarried, and the need for godly contentment, whatever our circumstances. The chapter also includes a valuable section on how to restore gently those who have fallen into sexual sin.
Chapters 7 and 8 tackle the purpose and the pursuit of parenthood, respectively. Philip begins by challenging both the contemporary secular view that a couple’s decision to have children is “a personal lifestyle choice,” and the Roman Catholic view that “the primary purpose of marriage is procreation” (p. 140). That said, Philip is convinced that while there may be legitimate reasons (e.g., medical) why some couples should not have children, as well as a valid use of ethical forms of contraception in family planning, “a marriage that is closed in principle to all hope of children is in rebellion against God’s stated purpose for us” (p. 153).
Of course, many couples desire to have children but find themselves unable to do so. This leads Philip to a consideration of “the right (and wrong) ways Christians may pursue the parenthood that they long for” (p. 161). In doing so, he not only taps into his own pastoral experience and medical training but, by drawing on the wisdom in John Wyatt’s Matters of Life and Death: Human Dilemmas in the Light of the Christian Faith (Nottingham: InterVarsity Press, 2009), he helpfully distinguishes between ethical and unethical uses of medical technology. He also discusses the option (and challenges) of adoption, as well as the need for some couples to accept, without bitterness and resentment, that childlessness is God’s good will for them (pp. 176–77).
A book of this size cannot hope to cover everything that readers (or indeed the author) desire. Nevertheless, there were two matters that, in my view, warranted a brief comment but did not receive one. The first concerns the ugly reality of domestic abuse, particularly when it occurs in Christian marriages, and how the Bible’s teaching on divorce might apply to it. The second concerns the falling away of children raised in Christian homes and the fact that the only explanation for this tragic phenomenon mentioned in the book is that of legalistic parenting (p. 147). Doubtless, Philip does not mean to imply that this is always the reason. But given the false guilt that many faithful parents carry, a clarifying sentence would not have gone astray.
These omissions aside, for those looking for a clear and compelling introduction to biblical relational and sexual ethics, Aspect of Love is something of a one-stop-shop. Completed by suggestions for further reading and “Think it Through Discussion Questions,” I struggle to think of a better place to start.
